Focal Point

I had myself a little bit of a nervous breakdown yesterday!
I didn't mean to give in,
I tried to be strong,
I tried to believe,
I tried to wait on the Lord's time table

But I had a melt down and I just couldn't help it!

Now that's a SNO CONE: Ham Lake, MN

I'm very grateful for a husband who just listened,
and offered a shoulder to cry on
and offered to be a punching bag
if I got really out of control!

I don't want to send the wrong message,
I feel really, really, REALLY blessed!

Ward Birthday Party: Ham Lake, MN

But we've had some losses over the past five years
And sometimes the only explanation I have is
that we failed-
which doesn't make sense when I
take the time to pray
and ponder my life experiences.

Annual Favorite Friends Gingerbread Party: Ham Lake, MN

Well, we are in a situation that is going to require
us to make a housing decision and we have only
a few days to make this decision!

A Glimpse at My Eternal Family: Ham Lake, MN

I'm tired of moving-
I'm tired of relocating &
I'm tired of the stress and sadness that being
"The new kid at school" causes my children.

So I had my little emotional breakdown,
and then I did what I do best,
I pulled myself up from my bootstraps
and put on my big girl panties
and I got over it!

Four Daughters: Newport, CA

I woke up early to read some scriptures
and found great comfort in Alma chapters 57-59,
Found in the Book of Mormon.
While I straightened my frizzy hair,
I listened to this great talk by Henry B. Eyring
And then I went to Yoga
** This is my prescription for dealing with challenges in life **

The studio I went to today has a mirror at the front of class-
I no likey mirrors in yoga class :(
During a standing balance pose, I stumbled and
Could NOT regain my balance!
I had taken my eyes off my focal point and
allowed myself to be completely distracted by
the many reflections in the mirror.

The trouble is, those reflections had absolutely NOTHING
to do with me, my stability or my practice
yet I let those distractions occupy my thoughts
and as a result, those distractions took me off balance!

I realized this is what was happening now-

I have healthy, happy, resilient kiddos,
they love each other, they love their parents
and for the most part they obey and
work each day to reach higher than the day before!

Beach Therapy: Ventura, CA

For a brief moment, I lost sight of the fact
that we all have a Heavenly Father who knows
what our limits and capacities are-
AND with all my heart,
I know we will never be pushed further than we can handle.
I also know without a shadow of doubt that
He who loves us more than we can earthly fathom,
also wants NOTHING more than to see me
succeed and conquer the trials that
push my weaknesses into strengths. 

If I believe in these two simple truths,
than I need not FEAR!

And this says it all: Newport, CA

I will let you know how it goes...

Small Tender Mercies

Monday's are hard!
I mean HARD-
and lately they I have been REALLY hard for me!

Like curl up in a fetal position and
lie in my closet with a box of Oreo's hard!

I'm going to blame it on hormones,
and age- because I can promise you
it is NOT pregnancy-
though that is EXACTLY what it feels like!
And I'd rather blame it on hormones
than say I'm just an emotional basket case!

So hormones it is...
that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Any who...
So today is Monday!
I woke up and knew I was in for a doozie 
of an emotional day-
so I decided to skip the gym and go back to bed
once everyone left for school.

Luckily for me, I had a lot of inner dialog going
on that convinced me to haul my pity partying hiney
to the GYM and get me a good Tabata beating!

I am so glad I did! The girls at the gym 
are seriously my life savers right now as I try to
juggle my life and stay somewhere in between
crazy and insane!

When I got home, I found myself sinking again.
I pulled out my phone and tried to hide my
feelings in digital media-
To my great joy and happiness,
I had emails from both of my wonderful
missionary children.

My son's letters are always short,
but he never fails to tell me how much
he loves me and how grateful he is
that I am his mom.

Be still my emotional heart-
if that wasn't just the thing I needed, I don't know
what was!

As I poured out my heart in a prayer of gratitude,
I was reminded of an experience I had
a few years ago on a pioneer trek for my church.
You can read about it here-
and I would say, if you are feeling at all
frustrated, discouraged or downtrodden;
you should TOTALLY read it!

I think I am in one of those times when my
Father in Heaven knows I need to be left alone
to labor and toil and struggle-
I know my family will be stronger and better for
the effort we put in, even though it is a source
of great concern for me now.

But I was reminded today, that even though
I may be left alone right now-
He, who loves us more than we can ever know,
is watching from above and preparing angels
with just the right information and at just the right moment-
to step in and push me up the mountain!

Today, I imagined that He knew that I would
get to this point in my battles
and He knew Monday's would be hard for me-
Today, I believe it is no coincidence that
BOTH of my missionary kiddos get to write me
on MONDAY's! Nor do I believe it is any small
matter that my hardest- and most fulfilling workout
class occurs on Monday morning AND that
the very smiling faces I have come to glean
strength and energy from have decided to
attend this class too!

He can't change the Monday hard right now,
this is part of my challenge and I have things to learn-
But He can prepare a source of strength to appear on
Monday's- to carry me through to Tuesday-
and that small mercy is worthy of notice and praise.